Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder...

About how my life would be having stayed in Morocco...

I know I'd be a loser, because I am horrible at math, and it's harder there and taught in Arabic..

Therefore, I wouldn't have completed my studies...

As a consequence, I'd have a job as a beautician or hairdresser...

This way, I'd be paid very low wages... 

I'd make 300€ maximum...

I'd never been able to be independent until I get married...

I'd always depend on a man to ''save'' me from dependence...

I'd live in a place where I fear becoming sick...

Because it could mean waiting too long to be attended...

My rights would not be very relevant...

Because human rights are not fully developed...

Because I am a woman in an Islamic country...

I'd never been able to choose my religion...

The price would be too high...

I'd be rejected by everyone I know...

BUT

Sometimes I wonder,

What price I paid to be able to escape it all...

Very passively and invisibly...

A silent agony...

Of being mute for years...

Not knowing a new language...

Of extreme change in surroundings...

Without daylight or sunlight...

Alone...

Of agonizing nostalgia...

Everyday...

Everyday...

When waking up from it all...

When being able to communicate...

Now affected to the core...

Now too sore...

And it's so strong...

What this does to a human being...

It changes her forever...

The heavyweight transforms into chronic anxiety...

THEREFORE

Sometimes I wonder...

If despite all the rights I lacked and poverty I would have fallen into...

I would have stayed emotionally stable...